On Vain Newspeaks

One of the few things that irk me the most about comments by American government officials from the Bush administration reflecting on their role in the post 9/11 America is the claim that they had kept America safe ever since. Watching an interview with Vice-President Dick Cheney with Chris Wallace on Fox today, I kept wondering whether the interviewers who endure this kind of response merely never think about it, are equally as blind, or just don’t care. The fact that such responses come when asked about the justification of heinous interrogation practices makes it even more disgusting. Let us see how the argument holds up.

Before 9/11, there was only one attack on American soil for fifty years, and that was the bombing of Pearl Harbour. Since 1945, there was no other attack on American soil until the World Trade Centre bombing in 1993. By that stupid logic of claiming to be a grand protector of the country just because the days of danger are far between one another, the Clinton Administration could have made a badge for itself for not having endured another attack between 1993 and 2001. But what sense would that have made? I have found it as laughable (if not naively tragic, and a stupid political gimmick) that the right wing commentators, particularly the administrative officials of the Bush administration, would claim this as their legacy: “After all, we have never had any other attack. We kept the country safe since then.” What kind of an excuse is that? Oh yes I let the house burn once, but look I have made sure that it hasn’t happened again since seven years ago. Don’t I deserve a cookie?  Or like the man in Yoruba fables who had just returned from a witch doctor and then claiming that he is now invincible from all bullets simply because he is wearing a juju amulet. The witch doctor may take credit for this “safety” from now till eternity and get paid handsomely for it too, but he would do well to warn the man to stay away from a shooting range!

I feel very strongly about 9/11. I never lost anyone there (a family friend was in one of the building earlier in the morning and left before the planes hit) but the enormity of the attack, the scope of the damage and the terrible fall-out from that heinous act changed me totally and the way I look at the world. The sight of brave firefighters going up the stairs as wounded and panicking people came down to safety is one that I would never forget. I watched the movie 9/11 some time in 2002 and was heartbroken. The movie examines the bravery and sacrifice of the firefighters from one of the fire stations in Manhattan and the way they gave themselves to save the lives of others. I have never been able to digest the magnitude of their brave sacrifice and commitment. And to think that some politicians in Washington almost totally dismissed the even braver commitment of living first responders by refusing to give them adequate medical care, one wonders where humanity is sometimes headed.

In any case, politicians never kept America safe. Former Vice-President Cheney certainly never did with his enhanced interrogation techniques that has put the country’s soldiers in more harm than ever before. (And he did manage to get an arrest warrant for himself in Nigeria albeit for a different reason). Ten years after the fatal negligence that caused the death of over 5,000 people, we would do well to work for a safer world than celebrate the mediocrity of vain chest-thumping. Mark Twain has one appropriate quote about keeping quiet when speaking would have an adverse effect on the perception of one’s wisdom. I’ll also add “a sense of shame”, and “humanity”.

I’m pissed. Can you tell?

Bombing UN HQs

You know you are a despicable scum when the target of your assault is a building filled with innocent humanitarian workers of an organization known for the pursuit of peace and global justice.

That said, maybe it will be time to ask for more CCTV units in Nigeria’s big cities, especially now in the North where the new extremists – like little children seeing a toy for the first time – are playing checkers with car bombs and innocent lives. At times like this, one wonders what other solution can be prescribed without losing one more civil liberty just like the sadists hope.

Hearts go out to the victims.

Caught: Osama: Dead!

The first thoughts in my mind is that the family of victims of 9/11 may finally get some deserved closure. And then the thought of what may have happened if evil didn’t exist, if there was no need to blow up the US embassies in Nairobi, or the WTC in 1993, or the twin towers in 2001. I still remember where I was then – in the dormitories of the University campus in Ibadan – as friends scurried to bring me to the television. It was evening in Ibadan and CNN was breaking the news, along with footage, of planes hitting the world trade centre.

What would have happened if a rich Saudi son had used his strength, industry, leadership and organizational style to a more productive use, say, trade. Or entertainment. Or even just a normal spiritual or educational leadership. How different would the world have been? There is nothing extraordinary about living in caves. Men have done it for centuries. The idea intrigues, even. A set of men with deeply held beliefs living out of the box of their privileged upbringing in search of spiritual, or mainly normadic, experience. I know I would have loved to go on one of such expedition.

How did violence against innocent people on a large scale even become such a worthwhile venture? And how did the man supposedly smart enough to have evaded capture all this while not have been smart enough to see the big picture: that the world is bigger than the little thoughts in the mind of a handful of hateful nomads riding in the desert. As slowly as the wheel of justice grinds, it always catches up in the end, somehow. His death is not a victory for America as it is a victory for humanity, and justice for all. It is perhaps also a call to introspection, although the cynic in me still nags on the futility of such news as this – as significant as it is – to eradicate evil on the surface of the earth. I’m glad he got what he had coming to him, Osama. Can’t we all now just get along?

Politically Correct?

And so today after a lot of soul searching and repentance of past sins of unpatriotism, I am back with a new list of bumper stickers. This time, they will be nice and politically correct, for those who like to see the good and the positive. Now you have no more excuses for not making them up as banners or stickers and putting them on your cars, mugs, shirts, doors and fridges.

The current news, as dumb as it is is that Nigerians, along with other nationals “of interest” will now be subject to more more enhanced searches at airports. It’s dumb not only because it attacks the symptoms of a disease and not the diseases itself while casting the “doctor” in a very bad light in the sight of his patients and colleagues, but because it also seeks to create more enemies – or at least, less friends, inadvertently. The fact of the matter is that “enhanced” airport searches have never solved any problems. Never ever. It only humiliates the guests, and breeds mutual suspicion. Before this December incident, every passenger on American planes have had to remove their shoes, belts and jackets before boarding. The terrorist got wise up and took to using the underwear. If we’re asked to remove our underwears at airports now, the person determined to cause havok will simply think of new means to do so. What’s more, Nigeria has never been a state sponsor of terrorism, so what’s the point? If I were an Al-Qaeda strategist, I would be thinking like this today: this would be a very good time to shift attention off of Nigeria, Yemen and Pakistan to other poor countries of the world where we can recruit impressionable kids like Umar Muttalab for our next attack. Thankfully the new TSA requirements in the US does not include full body searches for those other countries at the moment. With any chance, we’ll get this one through, and take a few thousand lives. Duh! Why am I the only one thinking out of the box? Is it just because I’m from Nigeria, or because it’s true?

Now here are the bumper stickers you should see:

  • I am a Nigerian. I have words for “kill”, “maim” and “slaughter” in my local languages, but none for “terrorism” and “terrorist”, and none for “snow”. What does that tell you?
  • I’m a Nigerian, one of the happiest people in the world. Going to heaven now is the least of my aspirations.
  • I’m a Nigerian. I do not need to make a point with my life when Jesus has already done so.
  • I am a Nigerian. America needs not be afraid of me. I’m still trying to get her visa. (Thanks Yemi)
  • I’m a Nigerian and not a terrorist. I have other things to worry about.
  • I’m a Nigerian. If I can’t lay down my life for my country, why would I give it up for your militant God?

… among many others that, again, we can make up as we go along.

But the bumper stickers probably won’t make sense right now that in another dumb development, the country’s elected representatives have resolved to sever ties with the United States unless it takes the country’s name off the list of the United States’ top security watch list. What? They even gave an ultimatum. Talk of misplaced priorities. Talk of silliness in top government circles. Talk of pouring scarce fuel on an already open but unwanted fire. Whatever happened to silent, common-sense, underground diplomacy? Now, more than the Mutallab incident on Christmas day, this is one news item that makes me ashamed, not of my country, but of its leaders/rulers. And this comes just when I thought I could be optimistic for once. Shame!

Politically Incorrect

I was not too surprised when I checked out the Facebook group created to denounce the Nigerian Terrorist today and found that from a meagre 700 members on Friday when I first blogged about it, there are now over 56,o00 members on the group. This is very nice, right?. Very impressive. It shows that we care about the implication of this unscrupulous scandal, or at least about our public image. It is not surprising. We are a patriotic people when something has to do with our image, most of the time. Right? Today on the BBC Focus on Africa, Mr Henry Omoregie, the creator of the group was interviewed for his perspective on the matter. In a matter of days, he has become the voice of “concerned Nigerians” eager to distance themselves from one unthinking act of an idiot. While speaking with my American friend, Chris, a few days after the incident, he told me how impressed he was by the Nigerian reaction. Few days after 9/11, he told me, there were televised celebrations of the event in some parts of Pakistan. Young men went to the streets jubilating that America was being attacked, he says. But in Nigeria, people are rising up to condemn the fool. It shows responsibility, or at least a form of liberality and freedom that is rare in other countries with a multi-religious population, he concludes, and I agree. That was until I heard in a line of comment on the same Facebook group that another Facebook group has been created titled “Free Umar Abdulmutallab. He is not a terrorist!”. I have not been able to find the group page so I am keeping my fingers crossed. But I won’t be surprised if such group now already exists. It’s still a matter of freedom of speech, I guess.

So now that Umar Abdulmutallab has got his fair share of vile from all “concerned Nigerians”, let us return to face the hard truths of the matter. We are not a nation of terrorists, but we have our own mammoth of problems which include poverty, drug trafficking, bad governments, militia unrest and financial crime, which are neither better than terrorism nor good for our global image as well. There are lots of things to do with my time now that the University’s resumption date is still over a week away, and the cold weather has confined the traveller to his now king-sized bed in a cozy Cougar Village apartment so I am discovering humour and satire, both as instruments of social transformation as well as personal coping device against inevitable idleness. Over the past couple of days, I have come up with a theme which would no doubt make some folks wince over there around the Niger river. But they are not just jokes. They are nuggets that should force a re-examination of the current state of the Nigerian polity.  Feel free to copy them if you dare, design them with Corel Draw and appropriate caricatures, paste them on your car or shirts, and share them with your Nigerian friends on Facebook. Include, if it makes you feel better, the texts: “KTravula.com’s Politically Incorrect”  or “KTravula.com’s Terror Humour“. This is for Nigeria.

After all, self-examination is really the best first cure for most anomalies.

Bumper Stickers You Will Never See

  • “I’m Nigerian, not a terrorist. I don’t kill people that’re not from another part of my country.”
  • “I‘m a Nigerian. I kidnap foreigners, but I don’t blow them up. That’s not my style!”
  • “I’m a Nigerian. I’m a 419 Internet Scam artist, not a terrorist. Don’t spoil my image!”
  • “I’m a Nigerian. I destroy oil pipelines, not airplanes.”
  • “I’m a Nigerian. Whenever we blow ourselves, we are actually coming, not going.”
  • “I’m a Nigerian. I smuggle cocaine, heroine and weed in my pants. Not explosives!”
  • “I’m a Nigerian. I would kill and die for political positions, not for martyrdom.”
  • “I’m a Nigerian. I murder for tribe, and not for cause. I can never make a good terrorist!”
  • “I’m a Nigerian. The only virgins I want are the ones I can marry, or make into mistresses.”
  • “I’m a Nigerian. I get my virgins before they head out to Italy. They’re not in Yemen, or Heaven.”
  • “I’m a Nigerian. The only cause I support is the one that fills my tummy, not blow off my junk!”
  • “I can never blow myself (up) to save my life. I’m a Nigerian, and not a terrorist!”

There could be many more ways to make them more sarcastic, and if possible, more biting. The more acerbic, the better. Talk about subversive self-humour! I would recommend this beyond the usual cry for the head of Abdulmutallab which by now should be nearing its climax. When all is said and done, it is who we are that would matter as we return to our routine lives in the course of the coming weeks and months. What will stand the test of time? Do we move forward in some way or do we return to the inner inequalities and lesser evils that make this particular case just a case of the first among equals of evil?

NOTE: This post is meant to be throughly politically incorrect, so I would not be expecting nor accepting any pats on the back this time.