ktravula – a travelogue!

Eighteen Bottles

dedicated to the University of Ibadan staff club…

_________________________________

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else…

I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew thecork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.

I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.

I’m not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I’m not half as thunk as you might drink.

I fool so feelish I don’t know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

____________________

Culled.

Photo used by permission.

The Big Quiz

There are several variations of this joke. When I first heard it in early 2000, it involved former Nigerian president Olusegun Obasanjo, Nelson Mandela, Tony Blair and our former Senate President Chuba Okadigbo. Read this one and laugh your head out. The names have been adapted to suit current political climes. I found it on Facebook. I think it fits into the category of politically incorrect. 🙂

____________________________

While visiting the United States last year, President Umar Yar’adua of Nigeria was invited to have a drink with the president at the Oval Office. He asks President Bush what his leadership philosophy is, and he says that it is to surround himself with intelligent people.

Yar’adua asks President Bush how he knows that his advisers are intelligent.

“I do so by asking them the right questions,” says President Bush. “Allow me to demonstrate.”

He picks up the phone, calls Mr. Colin Powell and says, “Mrs. Secretary of State. Please answer this question: Who is your parents’ son that is not your brother?”

Colin Powell responds, “It’s me, sir.”

“Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,” says the President. He hangs up and says, “Did you get that, Mr. Yar’adua?”

“Yes, yes, Mr. Bush. I thank you very much. I will definitely be using that!”

Upon returning to Abuja, he decides to put the theory to test so he calls up his Attorney General, Mr. Aondoakaa and asks him to come to the State House. When they finally meet, he says:

“Alright Mr. Attorney General. Here is a test that might cost you your job.”

“What’s on your mind sir?”

“Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

The poor Attorney General stammers for a second and finally asks, “Can I think about it and get back to you?” The president agrees, and Aondoakaa leaves. He then immediately calls a meeting of other senior cabinet members and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.

Finally, in desperation, Aondoakaa calls Thabo Mbeki, the then president of South Africa, on the phone and explains his problem.

“Now look here Thabo, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?”

Mbeki answers immediately, “It’s me, of course.”

Much relieved, Aondoakaa rushes back to the State House and exclaims,”I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It’s Thabo Mbeki!”

And President Yar’adua yells back at him in disgust, “Come on man. You’re not smart at all. I’m going to have to lay you off. It’s Colin Powell!”

Easter Joke!

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”

My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”

Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”

He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.

__________________

Happy Easter everyone.

An American in England

An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator.

The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted.

“You must mean the lift,” he said.

“No,” the American responded. “If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator.”

“Well,” the portiere answered, “over here we call them lifts”.

“Now you listen”, the American said rather irritated, “someone in America invented the elevator.”

“Oh, right you are sir,” the portiere said in a polite tone, “but someone here in England invented the language.”

Ten Weird/Unexplainable Stuff

10. The reason for waking up at 3am every day for more than a week, without reason.

9. The tenacity of over a dozen bees that ran after me on the first day I wore cologne out of my room.

8. The absence of rats/rodents in Edwardsville.

7. The unpredictability of the Midwestern weather.

6. The concept of infinity.

5. My reason for writing poems.

4. The incredibly delicious taste of anything I cook.

3. The power of names. *

2. Laws of attraction.

1. The workings of a computer, or any other electronic gadget.

* The Vice-President of Nigeria (now the acting president in the absence of the sick Mr. Yar’adua), aptly named Goodluck had always been lucky in every second-best position he had ever occupied, prompting a now common joke now that if the best man at your wedding is named Goodluck, you would be better off just cancelling the wedding.

« Older Entries Newer Entries »

...or browse articles by tags