ktravula – a travelogue!

the Nigerian Ghoul in an American Forest

Browsing ktravula – a travelogue! blog archives for December, 2009.

My Resolutions…

in all their 10 megapixels glory.

In lieu of promises of things I would do in the new year (which had, by this morning, included dropping the abbreviation LOL from my 2010 vocabulary, getting a better camera, making more savings, kicking my Papa John’s pizza eating habit, and drawing up new itineraries of new places to visit in the US), I now present my new year resolutions, which are in fact however resolutions from 2009, courtesy of my Canon Powershot SD 1200 IS camera. Some of the photos I’ve shared here before. Some not. For those interested in my photography, let’s catch up on Facebook. But note that I will not confirm friendship with people without profile pictures themselves, except we have known mutual friends. Sorry. :D .

With these, my 2009 is done at last. I may not have been the best Fulbright FLTA this year, but I sure had the most fun.

Enjoy.

(Move mouse over the photos to see their descriptions. Thank you for readership)

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My Resolutions… was published on December 31st, 2009, with the tags , , , under the Art, Fun, Observations, adventures category. There are currently 7 comments on this article so far.

10 Reasons To NOT Be Thankful For 2009

You may want to read Ten Reasons To Be Thankful for 2009 here first before you continue.

10. That idiot who tried to blow up the plane is from Nigeria.

9. The healthcare system in Nigeria is still in a comatose mode. The president is unhealthy and can’t be treated within the country. There is no sadder reminder of the state of our healthcare.

8. Climate change is not waiting on the signatures of the world leaders. It is a grim reality.

7. The swine flu infected and killed so many people this year. And we’re still in December. It can always get a lot colder.

6. I did not get to write as much as I wanted. And read as much as I wanted.

5. We do not yet know how much nuclear weapons are in the world at the moment, or in whose hands they are. So, it is safe (no pun intended) to say that we’re not totally free yet.

4. I lost my Grandmother.

3. I didn’t have enough time or funds to go around as I wanted to.

2. I didn’t see the Avatar (yet), Old Dogs and Sherlock Holmes.

1. On the other hand, we’re now closer to 2012!


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10 Reasons To NOT Be Thankful For 2009 was published on December 31st, 2009, with the tags , , under the Observations, Soliloquy category. There are currently 1 comment on this article so far.

10 Reasons To Be Thankful For 2009

10. The Nigerian guy who tried to take down an airplane in Detroit did not succeed.

9. The US Healthcare bill is passed, even though it still doesn’t include the public option, and many people say that it really is not all it promised to be at first. But hope is alive and well.

8. The climate talks at Coppenhagen, Denmark are over and many valid and important issues have been raised about the threat to the environment. It is not a perfect situation, and not all governments present have agreed. But we’re more conscious now. Head over here and here to see a picture of fellow Fulbighters protesting in front of the White House.

7. I didn’t catch the flu. It didn’t snow much in Edwardsville. Thank goodness. I think I’ll make it though the winter after all.

6. I got to write some more poems and prose than I did last year. My Short Story Behind the Door will be published next year in Africa Roar, an anthology.

5. Nobody launched a nuclear weapon this year, and thus we’re still alive.

4. I met old friends. I made new friends. I met new people. I had pounded yam in abundance, twice.

3. I travelled more this year than I did in a long while, I saw more cities, museums, monuments, memorials.

2. I saw Up In The Air, The Blind Side, This Is It, among many other interesting movies of the year.

1. We’ve survived it.

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10 Reasons To Be Thankful For 2009 was published on December 31st, 2009, with the tags , , under the Observations, Soliloquy category. There are currently 2 comments on this article so far.

Terror Humour

As suggested by Yemi Adesanya

As the year winds up, here are the very many ways to laugh at the biggest news of the year’s end – the Nigerian guy who tried to blow himself on the plane – from the comments of people on the various news media. I mean, blow himself up on the plane, of course. He’s now called by the American media The Undie Bomber.

  • Great balls of fire! - A headline yesterday in the New York Post.
  • Came to Antioch library to check out the Koran. Then I realized that any Nigerian checkin out a Koran from a public library might be put on a list. So I checked out a James Patterson book instead. Echecrates-Enziga Emole‘s humour, culled from Facebook.
  • This decade began with Y2K and ended with WTF. From BorowitzReport’s Twitter
  • What better way to round out this scorched and shitty decade than to gaze thoughtfully into the charred, soiled underpants of a stranger. Culled from Xenijardin’s Twitter.
  • Fruit of the Boom. - From a comment on Huffington Post.
  • Northwest Airlines must be like, “Shit – for once we don’t overshoot the runway, and this happens.” - From BorowitzReport’s Twitter
  • Manchester United handled business today. Something tells me that Umar Farouk was an Arsenal fan. Going trophyless four to five seasons can lead a man into suicide bombing. No kidding. Echecrates-Enziga Emole‘s humour, culled from Facebook
  • Is that an explosive in your briefs or are you just glad to see me? - An online comment in response to the released pictures of the bomber’s briefs.
  • Tiger should tell these terrorists that having 72 girls is more trouble than it’s worth. - From BorowitzReport’s Twitter
  • Internet Scam emails from next year will now begin to read: “Dear Sir, My name is Omar Abdulmutallab, the twin brother of Umar who was captured in the US last year. He left in my account $400,000,000… etc.” - ktravula’s humour, culled from Facebook.
  • One thing that’s been lost in this whole incident is that the terrorist broke the no-smoking rule. - From BorowitzReport’s Twitter
  • CNN: Thank You Mr Ogundamisi. So can you confirm that the suspected terrorist is from Nigeria? Ogundamisi: No he is not from Nigeria he is from Katsina. Nigerian people don’t live in £4 million family homes in a choice part of London. CNN: But (Nigerian) President Yar’Adua is form Katsina? Ogundamisi: Nope! Yar’Adua …is… …from Jeddah close to Saudi Arabia. Nigerians go to General Hospitals. Leave me jare, I need Fuel! - Culled from the internet. I don’t know if this is from a real television interview, but it reads like something that could have taken place on the streets of Lagos, Warri or Port Harcourt.
  • The first time Al-Qaeda decides to embrace affirmative action and give a black man a chance at matyrdom, the guy goes and blows up his penis. This is the last time they trust a black guy to do the job right. Echecrates-Enziga Emole‘s humour, culled from Facebook

Laugh with me people, and add your own jokes below – original or culled. If you are reading this in America, do not send me emails telling me that the word humour has only one “u”. I’m from Nigeria, damn it. Playing with firecrackers is not our only peculiarity!

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Terror Humour was published on December 30th, 2009, with the tags , , , under the Fun category. There are currently 8 comments on this article so far.

This Step, This Spot – A Poem

For January


And this is life, even as tomorrow crawls in with bright winks

or grim wings across an uncertain sky. Yes, this is the life

for which fore-runners spoke, a day for which mothers’ backs

broke with sweat, and strained in odd old colds of irksome strife…

It is now that beats the heart, with two eyes across a dawning day,

and a flesh hung in space, with rasping sound of black restless keys.

Here it is where hope resides, not afar in the boxed, fuddled past

of rain on concrete cracks. It is not in the exile of many journeys.



This plinth of time must serve as a totem rank to lighten pathways

When the moon falls behind the yellow hills, with a dry Western snore.

This step is new, but like aeons of dreams and returning memories

Is old in the breadth of its pace, much more than just a random chore.

I could ponder hope in blunt alien lands. Still, I will not look behind

But inwards. In its charged spot are the loose ends of moving thoughts,

with each breath a treasury of lore, new paths bearing known marks:

I shall live in a ball of charms which dreams and hopes have wrought.

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This Step, This Spot – A Poem was published on December 28th, 2009, with the tags , under the Art, Observations, Soliloquy category. There are currently 4 comments on this article so far.

Talking to Myself

I am Nigerian. What exactly does that mean right now? What has it always meant? What has it ever meant? What do I mean to the world? I come from a country that has produced one of the inventor of the supercomputer Phillip Emeagwali, a Nobel Literature Prize winner Wole Soyinka and countless entertainers on the world stage. If there ceases to be an entity called Nigeria in its current political form, what would I be? What would I mean to the world? What would be my identity?

I’ve never been a fan of division, of separation, for a simple reason that even if we change the current political structure of the country, we would still not be able to do anything about our geographical contiguity. We are in fact still a bunch of different peoples living around each other. The British creation called Nigeria never really made us one, so removing the “Nigerianness” would not make us any different, or separate, than we already are. We still all live around the Niger River. The North is still the north, with its attendant conservatism, and the South still the south with its liberalism. If we wake up tomorrow and have ten nation states in that region instead of this large one called Nigeria, our problems would not immediately disappear, if they will at all. We would still be the same different people, still fighting ourselves, this time with our sovereign mights and alliances.

It is three days before a new year, and I am worried, very worried, that there is going to be crises in Nigeria. I hope not. I am praying against it because my friends and relatives are there. Selfish, I know. Right now, there is a shortage of fuel (gas) even though we are the 6th largest producer of crude oil in the world. The president of the country is in a hospital, and his state of health is uncertain. I’d joked around last week that I’m afraid that the customary new year’s message from the nation’s president will be delivered this time with a Morse code. Now, I’m beginning to fear that I may be right. It has been thirty-eight days and we have not heard a single word from the country’s leader. Is he alive? Is he conscious? If he can’t speak, can he write? Can he at least tap out his messages on a board? By December 31st, the Chief Justice of the nation will be ending his term, and ONLY the president can sign his tenure extension or his replacement. If the president is unconscious in a hospital as it now seems, and the National Assembly can’t remove him, as it now seems, come January the 1st, there will not only be a vacuum in the Executive, there will be one in the Judiciary as well. Just what the country needs.

I am Nigerian. I want to remain Nigerian, but what exactly does that mean right now? What has it always meant? What has it ever meant beyond the negative? What do I mean to the world? I come from a country that has produced great brains in various fields. So what? If there ceases to be an entity called Nigeria, what would I be? What would that mean to me? What would be my identity besides being the man from that country that is now no more? Who am I? Where are my people? Who are they? And what do we mean to the world?

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Talking to Myself was published on December 28th, 2009, with the tags , , , , under the Opinion, Soliloquy category. There are currently 7 comments on this article so far.

The Morning After

A real-life conversation, yesterday…

Me: Hey man, a friend of mine – a Nigerian, is coming over for a visit. Would you like to give us a ride from St. Louis?

Him: Is she a Moslem?

Not funny.

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The Morning After was published on December 28th, 2009, with the tags , , , , , under the Observations, Soliloquy category. There are currently 3 comments on this article so far.

Winter

The snow today was more than that of Friday in that it was more than two inches high on the ground. Like Friday, I had no idea how and when it started, but I found it on the ground when I pulled apart the curtains in my room. What I did next was unthinkable, as usual. I got into thick clothing, got on my bike and rode into campus to take pictures. Luckily, the sun was still out and my new gloves were comfortable enough to hold the camera with. Anyway, these are the photos from that eventful ride. Let those who said that I won’t be able to ride my bike in the snow/winter show themselves right now. My message for them comes from that famous two-word response from the South Carolina senator. No I won’t repeat it here. :D

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Winter was published on December 27th, 2009, with the tags , , , , under the Art, Observations category. There are currently 1 comment on this article so far.

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