Memory Lane with Tọlá Adénlé

by Tèmítáyọ̀ Ọlọ́finlúà

Mango, Christmas and avocado trees; old houses, some refurbished, others abandoned; line the street that slopes downwards.

“Tayo, please wait for me at the gate with 4A,” she had said on the phone, her English laced with a tinge of Ondo/Ekiti accent and spiced with some Yoruba words. Tola Adénlé—or Mama Tọ́lá Adénlé, as her name is saved on my phone—came to me first in an online article that filled me with the desire to meet her. After some Facebook messages and phone calls, I am waiting to meet her.SANYANhybrid sitting

At the gate, my mind wandered: what will she look like? Will she bounce around like her cheery voice jumped on the phone? When she opened the gate, she had a warm smile, a green top and a pair of cream pants on. I knew she was the one. She needed no introduction—the face matched the pictures. The texture of her real voice similar to the texture of her “phone” voice. She welcomed me into the house.

“Feel free to look around.” And there was a lot to see. Almost every corner of the room was lined with pictures—largely family; hers, her husband, her children, her children and their husbands, and their own children. She calls them the Adénlé clan.  

“Life is about memories. Keeping memories, that is all life is about,” she says.

I get a tray with tea and snacks; then, we settle outside on two chairs. “That’s Dr. Adénl遒s chair,” she says, referring to her husband—hydrogeologist, Dr. Adénlé. It is a good view: trees and houses, in competition. The house on the other side of the fence used to be theirs.

“Either it got too big for us or we got too small for it,” she says.

Then, we settled into the chat, not an interview. She had insisted that it should be as informal as possible. She would email me pictures, so no need for a photographer. I was reluctant to record. It would be just nice to drink from her deep wells of knowledge.

“This will not just be about you asking me questions. I would also ask you questions,” I agreed. She wanted to know why I chose the freelancing route; how I survive; my background. I told her.

It was my turn to know more about her. But not so fast.

“I should give you an autographed copy of Emotan Magazine,” she said “In fact, let me do it right now.” She gets up immediately and returns with the copy. Emotan was the third woman’s magazine published in Nigeria. This edition was published in September, 1977. So, yes, it is a collector’s item.

When she returns, I ask about her urge to get things done “right away”. Is it out of fear that she may leave it undone or that she may forget—a result of old age?

“It is not fear. It is just that I hate to be reminded to do something that I promised to do,” she says. Neither is it a fear of age, as age is a fact of life.

Dr. Adénlé soon arrives, but before he left us, she does introductions. Tells me a little bit about them—how they like things small, even though they are both from large families. He is the son of a late Ata-oja of Osogbo; she is a daughter of a prominent family in Iju, Ondo state, the Adámọlẹ́kuns. Their wedding had under 30 people in attendance at a Cathedral Church in January 1970. Other things, I find out myself: a soft whistle is one of them calling the other; that she is particular about everything—the chair she sits on; the plate she eats from; her daily carbs intake; the number of steps she takes daily; the turquoise of her earrings matches the nail paint on her toes. He does not care much about such particularities. That when she tries to remember something, he assists—like the name of her Editor at Daily Sketch: Sola Oyègbèmí. The Adénlé couple cannot stand chaotic Lagos—they both resigned from jobs there at different times before they met in the 60s. They fit well into each other, ball and socket.  

We talk about other things: writing, publishing and Nigeria. Writing is her gift that she must continue giving. She did not know this initially. She had written a letter to the editor of West Africa Weekly, an old magazine from Florida in 1971. She quotes some lines from the letter. Writer, Kọ́lé Ọmọtọ́sọ́, a PhD student back then at the University of Edinburgh, read the letter and told her that she seemed to have the gift of writing.

“But you will need to read a lot,” she said he had told her.

And that was how she kept honing the skills—from a letter to a magazine; she served at Daily Sketch, Ibadan as a corper; then, she became the Woman Editor at Daily Sketch. She reels off names of her colleagues at the Daily Sketch. She shared a table with Tunde Thompson, who would face Buhari/Ìdíàgbọn’s harsh military rule judgement with the infamous Decree 4. It is interesting that Thompson supported Buhari for president in the last election. It was after the Sketch experience that she started Emotan as a Woman’s Bimonthly. The magazine which was published out of Bodija, Ibadan, had a readership of about 15, 000. It soon became a monthly. It attracted writers, readers and adverts from every part of the country, even from West African countries. Its articles remain relevant even decades after. One subscription page of the magazine reads: when you miss a copy of Emotan, you miss good company. True then, true now. In 1985, after several editions, it was time to rest Emotan.

For someone who moved to Ibadan for the first time in 1966, and has lived there on and off, since then, I ask her what she thinks of the city now.

“Like Nigeria, Ibadan is chaotic. And it is not because the people are not skilled enough to transform the city. S’e b’oye kilu ma improve ni?” She asks rhetorically.  She says that this “lack of progress” is connected with the maniac rush for wealth rather than ideas that can transform the society.  “It is only here that you ask people what they want to become and they say: millionaire, as if it is an aspiration. Many have fallen into the default mode of most Nigerians—not caring about what they leave behind, only rushing after money.” She laments that this is the reason many do not create things that will transform the nation. Warts and all, Ibadan remains her favourite city.

She does not understand the Nigerian craze to keep acquiring things they will never use. Neither does she understand the reason why parties seem like drugs for people to get excited; take a fix today and wait for the next one to feel high again.

“True happiness should come from within. From doing things that make you happy. Not from organising big parties for people—half of whom you do not know. “Every wedding is now a society wedding; every burial is a state burial,” she quotes an older Nigerian industrialist’s words from a 1985 speech to the Ibadan Chamber of Commerce. She speaks of her long-held belief in Buhari as the one who can sanitise Nigeria of corruption, a belief that accelerated the birth of her blog, in 2011 as stated in the early posts.

In 1988 during Babangida’s presidency, her family joined Nigeria’s [then] mythical “Andrew” and moved back to the States. Since then, it has been between the United States and Nigeria. She also maintained a column with The Comet on Sunday, and later, The Nation on Sunday until 2011 when she started her blog.

Her love for aso-oke, the traditional Yoruba textile which she fell in love with after wearing it for the first time as a bridesmaid in 1965, led to her developing some categories of the textile on her blog. The different categories became so popular that a book, AṢỌ ÒKÈ YORUBA: A Tapestry of Love & Color, A Journey of Personal Discovery, was published in January, 2016. It chronicles her journey of discovery of Aso-Oke, the textile’s history, Yoruba’s sericulture past, occasions that call for aso oke, modern uses of the textiles and many interesting details of this contribution by the Yorubas to world’s textile technology. The book is laced with several pictures, many of them taken by her husband. It takes one on a journey into the past of the textile and whets one’s appetite about its future. The book will be available on amazon.com, through her website, and on her 70th birthday on April 2.

Having spent seven decades on earth, written two biographies, mothered four amazing daughters, held down a magazine for almost a decade, written a collection of short stories, Adénlé still has expectations for the future.

“One must always have expectations. Or else one dies. May not be physical. There is always a mountain to climb.” One thing is certain, Adénlé will be busy giving her gift of writing to her world.  

There is no slowing down for Tọ́lá Adénlé. She might have been born in the age of the dinosaur, to quote her words, but she uses today’s tools. She whips out her tablet and begins to type. “Let me do it right away.” She had promised to send me an invitation card for her 70th birthday and her picture that accompanies this piece. I wonder about this woman who is from the past yet grounded in the realities and intricacies of today—how many 70-year-olds maintain websites where they curate their work? You can read Adénlé’s work on hers.

She autographs my copy of the first edition of Emotan. I will keep it and show my children. I will tell them the story of a woman who dreamed up a world for other women; of how she came to me in an online article and how her story inspires me to run my own race.

“Do what you like, that is how you make progress. Follow your passion, that’s where your success will be.” Her words will not leave me even as I now advance upwards on a street lined with mango, Christmas and avocado trees; old houses, some refurbished, some abandoned.  

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TemitayoTèmítáyọ̀ Ọlọ́finlúà is an award-winning essayist who has completed writing and communications assignments for various organisations such as Global Press Institute, Mania Magazine, Saraba Mag and Facebook, to mention a few. Her work featured in various publications, online and in print.

Some of her writing awards include Finalist, African Story Challenge, Technology and Business Cycle (2014);  Second Prize, Peter Drucker Challenge (Manager’s Category), 2014; First Prize Winner, NEPAD Essay Contest, 2013, among others.

She currently curates content for lifestyle website, www.liveinibadan.com that focuses on the city of Ibadan. You can read some of her works here, here, here and here

My Mum and I

This is a guest-post by Temitayo Olofinlua, who recently won the WLP essay competition in NY. She is also a co-administrator of the Bookaholic Blog, and she sends this from Lagos, Nigeria. Today is Mother’s Day in every other part of the world except the United States, I think, so this piece is just as apt. I can relate to much of what she says. How many of us have mothers like that? Also for one more thing: tomorrow is my mum’s 60th birthday. Enjoy the piece. Previous guest-posts can be found here.

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My mum and I are not best of friends. Yes, are you surprised? We are not. And we are not enemies. I am always amazed when other young women talk about and with their mothers—you can see that they are companions, almost like sisters. But not so with my mine, the equation is simple—she’s my mother and I am her daughter. Every time we are together, people say we look alike, she smiles but I don’t think so. Sometimes, I go and take a look in the mirror and I wonder to myself “where is the similarity now?”

When I was growing up, I felt my mother was too wicked, in fact sometimes I had some secret thoughts that maybe she was not my mother, that maybe I was adopted. Listen to this: how else can you explain your mother not allowing you to go out to play even after doing your home work? How can you explain the look she gives you every time she has a visitor and you just want to sit there to pick the adults brains—you know that look, don’t you? Or how do you explain it when she just emerges from nowhere when you are about to start watching your favourite soap opera? Or the trouble that she starts when she notices the boy that escorts you home from school? There is dinner but it just does not go down well because all is not well between the two of you.

Time to go to university came with much excitement but it was also advice time. “Remember the child of whom you are…be a good girl and don’t do what I wouldn’t do.” I looked at her when she said this (not that I intend to do anything other than enjoy my freedom once gained) as I remembered her pictures from way back: the high-heeled apolas, the thick dark afro shining with oil from sheen, the short mini-skirts and gowns that rocked many parties. “Men, they are dangerous, be careful and don’t trust anyone completely; put your trust in God alone.” “Yeah right, you had your time, let me have mine” I thought to myself. Today, I know better and understand that she was talking from experience and that’s one thing I didn’t have.

My Mum is no longer fashionable: she does not use lipstick, she uses lip balm (Robb during harmattan); she does not use mascara, she uses only a black eye-pencil thinned over her brows; she does not wear off-shoulders, the traditional iro and buba would do; she does not shave her eyebrows, why should you tweak God’s work? She does not believe in trends, she wears what she wants, however it fits; she does not believe you should starve yourself to get that ‘star’ look; she eats what she wants, however and whenever. I fear that I am like my Mum in this regard—I am not fashionable. Unlike most young ladies my age, I am what you call conservative when it comes to fashion. It took a while before I started wearing trousers, spaghetti straps (sleeveless clothes of whatever form) and short skirts (that means in any way above the knee); mini-skirts are a no-go-area. I am not an ‘SU’ or some extremely holy sister who yells ‘bless you’ at the unpardonable sinners. For me, wearing a cloth comes with a lot of internal conditioning: if I am not comfortable seeing myself in it; there’s no how I’d wear it as a part of me would feel it is ugly no matter what compliments I get.  So you see I may be as old school as my Mum.

Recently, I have been looking within and discovering that we are not as different as I thought. We are similar in other ways: our long beautiful dark hair; our self-will to achieve anything we set our hearts to; our laughter, loud without concern that we will wake the house. Now as she grows in years, the bond seems to get stronger; she is keener on seeing her once little girl grow into a courageous young woman “there’s nothing you can’t do, YES YOU CAN my dear.” She says in the Obama spirit beaming with a smile after I told her about my plans for the year. I have come to love my mother despite our differences. She is the best Mom in the world… (I no get choice abi?). But despite all odds, I will be her daughter again in a second life! I am more than sure that she loves me, and wants the best for me too.

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You can find Tayo here on twitter.

Happy Mother’s Day too my mum, and all mothers and aspiring mothers out there. You make life worth living.

New York, Yesterday

I do not live in New York. I am miles away from it, but yesterday I successfully talked a good friend of mine who lives there to attend an event that I felt held some significance for me, for this blog and for Nigeria. It was titled 2020 Vision: Mobilizing for Women’s Rights and Eliminating Violence Against Women and it was held at the John Tishman Auditorium at the New School for Social Research.

The speakers included Shirin Ebadi, Nobel Peace laureate, 2003; Founder, Defenders of Human Rights Center, Iran, Thoraya Obaid, Executive Director of UNFPA, Under-Secretary-General of the United Nations, Mary Robinson, President, Realizing Rights, former President of Ireland and former U.N. High Commissioner for Human Rights and Melanne Verveer, United States Ambassador-at-Large for Global Women’s Issues.

The event was doubly memorable because by 12noon New York time, the winner of the WLP Essay Competition featuring about 100 entries from over thirty-three countries was announced, and it was no other person than Temitayo Olofinlua – the same Temitayo of Bookaholic Blog a regular commenter on this blog. Her entry was titled On Fear, a powerful exposition on the challenges of women in Nigeria and most of developing countries of the world.

I feel proud to be associated with her, not only because of the brilliance of the entry, but also because of the humility, dedication and hardwork of the strong young woman. Congratulations from me, from my friend, and from all of KTravula.com.