ktravula – a travelogue!

Q & A

Q: What really have you been up to?

A: Many of them are really personal, family stuff. I have also taken steps to properly “graduate” from the University. This includes a very long and tedious process of undergoing “clearance” from almost every section of the University – Sports, Alumni etc. Yesterday, I got my certificate, but discovered that my name was written with an extra “N” in a wrong place, again. Sigh.

I’ve also been watching Michael Moore. Two days ago, it was Capitalism, a Love Story, a really enlightening documentary. Yesterday, it was “Bowling for Columbine.” I’m not done with that yet. When I am, I’ll be onto “Sicko”. Michael Moore is one of my favourite film makers. He is an inspiration, and I like the way he takes on issues. If I ever make movies someday, I’ll be borrowing so much of his ideas. The very moving last scene of Capitalism, a Love Story has him drawing a “Crime Scene – Do not Cross” tape around Wall Street. Then he made a bullhorn announcement for all the CEOs to come down and voluntarily arrested for defrauding the nation. I recommend the movie to everyone.

Q: Who is your next favourite team in the World Cup since the exit of the Nigerian Super Eagles?

A: I support the USA (of course) and Ghana. The US because they have not been known as a football-playing nation (I know they call it “soccer”), yet they have been spectacular in the tournament. I hope they go far. Maybe it will reduce some of the craze for American Football :). I support Ghana because they have also been quite spectacular, and of course since they’re the only African team left in the competition. But here is my dilemma: Ghana will be playing with the United States in their next match, and one of them must be knocked out. I will have my fingers crossed for that one.

Q: So when are you coming to a city near me, as you promised?

A: Soon. One other new discovery I’ve made is that it is more costly, and tedious to move around the country without a private helicopter or a travel grant. Still, the plan is on course, very much. Are there particular places in Nigeria that you’d like me to visit? And why?

Q: Where will you be this weekend?

A: Maybe at the Bookjam event in Lagos. Will you be there?

See you guys around.

Questions and Answers

Q: When exactly in May do you leave for Nigeria, and what is your flight itinerary?

A: I don’t know. When that day comes, a helicopter from the White House is going to land near the KTravulake, commando style, and smuggle me out before anyone knows, and drop me right at the base of the Statue of Liberty in NY where a boat will ferry me to the JFK airport. From then the Air Force Ten will pick me up and drop me into France since all commercial airplanes are no longer flying in there because of the volcanic ash clouds. After a few hours in the streets of France speaking poor French and confirming to myself once and for all that all the French I claim to speak is nothing but trash African Vernacular French, I will hop onto the Air France Concorde plane brought back from retirement just for my sake, and fly home into Lagos’s unsuspecting but hot embrace. French expressions learnt so far: “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?”, “Je t’aime”, “Tu est belle.” and “Merde!” Why none of these have to do with getting directions, finding the nearest restaurant, or getting out of trouble is beyond me. My French friends are the most mischievous kind. From the sound of them, I know I’ll be getting into trouble. Ah, wish me luck. I’m gonna need it. 🙂

Q: What is the ONE experience that you will miss the most about the United States. I’d like to know.

A: Beside access to fast and stable internet and electricity access, it must be the opportunity to ride my bike every day on the bike trails around Edwardsville. Somehow, I wish I could change that about Nigeria’s high dependence on fuel and motorized vehicles. If we could only develop the bicycle transport system and make laws to construct paths for bicycle users. The sad fact is that there are no good roads for vehicles either, so bicycles are not a priority. And that is sad, considering how much we pay for fuel, and how much of the environment is destroyed by continues gas emissions, and how more affordable, and more sustainable a bicycle is as a means of transportation. The groups http://www.bicycles-for-humanity.org and http://bikesfortheworld.org are currently involved in securing used and unused bikes from people in developed countries, and sending them to developing countries. How could one claim such for the many thousands of elderly, poor or simply interested people in Nigeria who could have otherwise benefited from the programme if the environment in which they live does not even support a safe use of such a simple and yet effective means of transportation? Sad.

Here’s an article on cycling in berlin (thanks to Loomnie.com)

10 Questions for the Traveller

10. Why do you focus on Nigeria a lot these days?

A: Are you kidding? Nigeria has been in the news even before I started talking, but if you prod me a little bit more, I might tell you that it’s because I’m going to return there in less than three months, and I am interested in its success. Staying back in the US is not only not an option, it is escapist and does not really count as progress. There is a stipulation to spend at least two years in my country after this programme before any application for permanent residency in the United States afterwards. That way, beneficiaries of the Fulbright can get to contribute to their countries of birth and residence. The better Nigeria gets then, the better for me.

9. Are you really looking forward to going home?

A: Yes, actually.

8. What will you miss the most about the United States?

A: I’ll miss the friends I’ve made. I’ll miss my host parents, Papa Rudy and Laverne Wilson, I’ll miss Chris and his adventurous spirit. I’ll miss Olga even though we don’t see each other much these days. I’ll miss my students, my office, and my wonderful Professor Mattson who shares the space with me. I’ll miss my department and Belinda, its beautiful head and Sherry its cool and sometimes mischievous secretary, and also my friend Catherine in the language lab for allowing me trouble her many times. I’ll miss the genuine smiles and laughter I get from colleagues, and I’ll miss the days of uninterrupted superfast internet access. There are so many lovely people that will kill me for not mentioning their names here. I’ll mention them in due course.

7. What will you do when you get home?

A: I have a tentative plan, which is to go around my country to places I haven’t been before. I also hope to visit places I’ve been before but which hold a certain interest for me and for friends. I think I have only visited about seven states in Nigeria, out of thirty-six. I have a long way to go. I also hope to return to the University to complete my Master’s programme in Linguistics and/or Language Documentation. Would it not be better if I come over to do it in the United States along with a PhD? Maybe. We’ll see how that goes.

6. I love those your photographic artworks. How can I get one?

A: I am raising money with them for Jos, Haiti and for Chile. If you’re interested in participating in the project, check out the very simple instructions here.

5. Creatively, how have you been keeping yourself occupied?

A: I’ve been reading extensively because I’m afraid that there will be too many books to carry home when I’m done here. I may have bought too many. So it will make more sense to read them now, and give them away. I’m actually worried that my excess luggage will be filled with books. I don’t know if I can handle that. I have also been writing: a memoir, poems, and translations. You’ll be the first to know when they get published.

4. Are there any more places you will definitely visit before you leave?

A: Yes. That will be New York from where I hope to depart to Nigeria.

3. How are your students doing this semester?

A: Never been better. They murmured when I told them that this time the final exams will not be to write a short story like the other folks did last semester. In their own case, they will be presenting a short drama or a Yoruba song for an audience of their mates and former students. I like the idea, and they’re catching up on it too. I’ve finished grading the mid-term exam and I’m happy that they actually know more than I give them credit for. They’re the best students ever. We’ve saw Chimamanda’s TED video again last week. It was the first time of seeing it this semester.

2. I like your blog. I hope you won’t stop writing. I want to contribute in the form of a guest-post. What should I do?

A: All you have to do is to send me an inquiry, or just send in the guest-post and let me look at it. You can find the previous guest-posts here. What kind of guest-post do I prefer? I don’t have preferences. I just want to read other people’s interaction with the world, either in poetry, prose or rants.

1. What do you think of the Libya’s president Colonel Gaddafi’s suggestion that Nigeria be split like India along religious lines so as to bring permanent peace and stability?

A: Not only is the idea sick and repulsive, it is shallow and lacks the right substance needed for any permanent solution. First, organized religion is one of the biggest problems of the world right now, so to make it the basis of state is not only dumb, it is retrogressive. There is no doubt that the North is mainly Moslem and that the south is mainly Christian. However, the northern Nigeria is not totally Moslem, nor is the southern Nigeria totally Christian, and that is one of the causes of the Jos crisis. So this begs the question: where will the boundaries be drawn if such a division were to be made? At the Niger River? Where would Plateau, Kwara, Kogi, and Oyo States fall? And what purpose would it serve to have any part of the country run by a religion that has never been known to hold the elites and the politicians to the same standard expected of the poor uneducated citizenry. If the law is an ass, religious laws at levels of state are even dumber. What the country needs is to live up to its ideals of a true federalism where each component parts are autonomous to the extent of its fiscal responsibility and obligations. Organized religion is the enemy, as is ignorance, arrogance, and complacency.

Q & A, Again

The traveller attempts to answer some ten more questions that have either been asked him, or have not been asked yet only because the people who had them in their minds were not too confident about sending him the email!

10.

Q: Why did you remove your picture from the “About” page?

A: I had a mood swing! Yes, I have those too, and it is not controlled by the tide of the moon. Sometimes I get tired of seeing my own face online, and a sudden capriciousness overwhelms me to get rid of it. No questions asked. If you would send me your picture, I might send you one of mine too.

Q: Why do you make blog posts almost every day?

A: I don’t know. I really can’t control it. It has become a sort of habit that I can’t easily break. But some times I’m so tired that I can’t write anything at all. At those times, I just go to sleep, but not before a muted apology to the blogging muses of the day wherever they are for not being able to put their energies to better use.

Q: What are you going to do after your Fulbright programme ends in May 2010?

A: I really have no clear idea yet, but my tentative plans include a future academic pusuit either in the United States, or in Europe – whichever takes me first, and (if I don’t get a scholarship) whichever is more affordable. Yes, I am not the son of any Nigerian politician.

Q: What do you miss the most about Nigeria, aside from the food?

A: Aaaaaargh! You have spoilt all the fun by removing food as a choice answer.

Q: Do you really look forward to going back to Nigeria?

A: Because I still have a long time to stay here, I can’t answer this question, yet. Ask me again in a few months. But in private this time, if you want some honesty.

Q: If you’re so bloody smart, why do you blog instead of becoming a newspaper columnist, or at least a more serious author and not just a serial narcissistic exhibitionist of wicked (read beautiful, inspiring, nice, or any other sufficient word) lines?

A: It’s the internet age, and I’m dealing with the dynamics of the medium I’m most adapted to. I do intend to publish a definitive collection of poems, a collection of short stories or even a novel some day (if I get a publishing deal), but my interest is mostly in literary and non-literary translation. This blog is just a way of keeping my brain in shape. By the way, all the stuff in here are copyrighted. You can’t use them elsewhere without my permission, or you might be in hot soup.

Q: What do you think of the recent (in)famous wordfest in the Nigerian print media about the standard of objective review of music albums coming from young people?

A: Erm… I have no more comments on that. When I do, I know where to place them, and they’d get published, hopefully. It’s always a pain to not have a way to occasionally voice one’s opinion to a current issue. Nigeria is the country with the freest news media on the continent, after all. I’m glad for the chance to be able to contribute to current issues from this distance whenever the opportunity presents itself. Within Nigeria, there are other things that make that a very grueling process. On the top of this is electricity (or the lack thereof in regular and stable doses).

Q: What do you have with number 46?

A: I have no idea what you mean. Oh, that! (Giggles). I really don’t know too, but since after the second month when I ended up with forty-six posts, I have decided to try and meet up with that number every subsequent months – just for the fun of it. Let’s see how that plays out.

Q: Mention three of your favourite posts on this blog, and why?

A: I like this the most, because it was short, and it was my first culture shock experience. Then this because, even to me, it was funny. And then I love My First Class, since I had as much fun writing it as I had experiencing it in class. If you ask me tomorrow, I might have a different list. And besides, I think my favourite post is just on the way, not yet published. Ah, I can’t resist pointing to this one too.

Q: Have you met Governor Rod Blagojevich yet?

A: He’s no longer the Governor of Illinois, remember? (Don’t you read the dailies?) I however almost met Governor Partrick Quinn when he came to campus sometimes last week(?) for a University event. I didn’t meet him because first, there was no need to, and secondly, because by the time he was having a town hall meeting addressing students, I was busy dosing off at home after a very stressful day of work at school.

Q & A from Nigeria

ktravula attempts here to answer some questions he’s been asked more than once from Nigeria.

#10.

Q: “Is the Fulbright FLTA programme a degree-awarding programme?”

A: No, it isn’t, but each participant gets a Fulbright-branded certificate at the end of the programme. The certificate is given in the participant’s home country, hereby providing one more reason for the grantee to return home.

#9.

Q: “Why then does KT attend Master’s classes in Linguistics, GIS and Creative writing?”

A: Because, in addition to teaching, one of the prerequisites of Fulbright FLTA programme is that the grantee takes at least two courses every semester. The two courses could be for audit or for credit, and they are paid for by the Fulbright programme.

#8.

Q: “Why Creative writing, GIS and Linguistics?”

A: Because he likes them, that’s why.

#7.

Q: “How many times does the traveller teach his class every week, and when?”

A: Twice a week, Monday and Wednesdays.

#6.

Q: “What does he do on the other days?”

A: He goes to his other classes. Or stays at home to either sleep, blog, go out to buy groceries, ride on his bike, go out to watch a movie, or queue up on a long line waiting for a hamburger.

#5.

Q: “Does he still feel cold?”

A: Not anymore. By a miraculous transformation that he cannot yet fathom, he now feels warm while many people around him feel cold. He has been able to go out many times in a t-shirt and jeans without a jacket.

#4.

Q: “Why does he blog?”

A: 1. Because he’s sometimes bored, and he cannot understand why after a day of nice, memorable experiences, he returns to his room and feels bored, so he writes out his experiences, hoping that by putting them down in his words, he might make someone smile somewhere. And most times, people smile. Some laugh even, and he can’t understand the whole paradox of it.

#3.

Q: “Why does he have a roommate? Isn’t he supposed to be a scholar, professor etc allwhatnot?”

A: He has a room mate because he wanted one. He lives in an apartment that has both a single user bedroom and a shared bedroom. When he moved in there, he had a choice. And he chose one with a roomie. Deal with it. (Meanwhile, this doesn’t mean that he will make the same choice next semester.)

#2.

Q: “Why would any American students want to learn Yoruba, and not Spanish, French or German?”

A: There are already those who learn those other languages. The Foreign Language department in the University offers so many languages, and students have a choice to take any they want either for credit or for audit. If you ask me, I’d say I don’t know why Yoruba particularly, but now that they’ve chosen it, I am going to try to make it worth their while.

#1.

Q: “Now that he’s settled into the programme, passing the mandatory honeymoon phase, what else does KT look forward to in the course of the year?”

A: Snow and winter. More blogging. Meeting Maya Angelou, speaking with her and taking her picture and autograph. Meeting Eugene Redmond, again. Going to watch an American Football game. Getting a new camera. Going to Washington in December, and the opportunity that will provide, to see more of the East Coast of America. Spring. Doing more line-dancing. Halloween. Swimming. Going to Chicago. Writing short stories. Beginning a major work in literary translation.

questions@ktravula.com