ktravula – a travelogue!

10 Reasons Why I Miss Home

IMG_046910. Food. There is a certain pain in hearing the words fufu, amala, iyan, gbegiri, ewédú or egúsí from this distance. And no, I will not go into St. Louis just because of them, although once in a while it might be worth it. From now on, I forbid anyone to mention the following words to me in online chats: snail, okú ekó, panla or ponmo. Or akpu, ogbono and afang. All the defaulters will take turns to host me in their houses as soon as I return home.

9. Books. It is very funny to admit that I am now a slow reader. I am surrounded by televisions and internet with twitter beeps, facebook status updates and Skype chats. That is when I’m not busy worrying about class. When will I get the time to complete these great books?

8. People. This is not to say that I was much of a crowd person back home anyway, but let me just say – for the records – that I wish that I could sometimes take a ride in a noisy, old, half-wrecked and incredibly reckless public bus plying an equally bad road on a rainy day, either in Lagos or in Ibadan – just for simple pleasures.

7. NEPA. Or PHCN as they call it now. What is life without occasional and sometimes incessant power outages? The advantages include boredom (necessary to complete books), depression plus high testosterone levels (necessary to write poems), and idleness (necessary for communication and moonlight/candle light stories).

6. Dogs. Eight months seems like a long time to wait before seeing Scotty, Rex, Bobby, Tessie and Snoopy with her new puppies. Do they miss me too?

5. Family. Yea, yea. There is definitely the over rated family experience, but, what can I say. There’s no place like home. This time, I hope the honeymoon will last for more than a month before we get back to the screams: “Kolaaa! Who if not you left the front door open for the dogs to walk in and jump on the couch!?” Aaaaargh. I miss that.

4. Love. Do not ask me for more on this. There is no law against desiring a reconnection with home on a romantic level.

3. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. I have seen a few episodes here in Illinois, and I can also say that the TV programming here is enchanting. However, I can’t wait to be able to see NTA’s version again. How could I explain my hurt that I was not able to see the first time a Nigerian won the top prize of 10 Million Naira?

2.  Friends. Although I expect that many of them would have moved on from their current positions by the time I get back home, and the congenial landscape would have definitely changed in some way, I do hope to see them again.

1. Well, it’s called “home”, and there’s no place like home.

Read the “10 Reasons Why I DON’T Miss Home” here.

10 Reasons Why I Miss Home was published on October 31st, 2009, with the tags , , , , under the Fun, Observations, Soliloquy category. There are currently 2 comments on this article so far.

It’s Your Day, Brother!

scan0016scan0014scan0013scan0012Considering how much you beat the living shit out of me while we were growing up, even for the filmsiest reasons, 😀 please consider this form of public greeting a mild recompense for all those fun times. Sorry, the plane ticket to Britain is beyond me at this moment, or I’d have come over to deliver these cards myself* ;). You’re my only brother after all – as far as I know (haha), and it would have been fun to catch up. But heck, have a blast with your family. I wish you the very best on this your special day. May the rest of your days be the best of your days!

* Besides, even if I somehow make it through to Heathrow Airport, those buggers at the airport entry points would still take one look at my Nigerian passport as they did the last time I had ambitiously marched towards them (on landing after my connecting flight from Lagos in August) and told them that I wanted to spend my five idle hours on the streets of London shopping, looking at stores, parks, red phone booths and double decked buses , and tell me with the stiffest upper lip I’ve ever seen, that “You hold a Nigerian Passport. We cannot let you in… Yes I see that you have an American visa on it, and a ticket that says you’d be moving from here in five hours, but that’s the law here, thank you… Anything else I can do for you?” Damn them! I wonder how you survive. Here’s what my friend George Orwell the British had to say: “Soon or late the day is coming… (that) the fruitful fields of England shall be trod by beasts alone.” Ah-ha, there you have it. I wish you the best of luck. Happy Birthday Brother!

It’s Your Day, Brother! was published on October 30th, 2009, with the tags , , , , under the Art, Fun, Travelling category. There are currently 17 comments on this article so far.

Night

Here are a few more photos of the fall (although I think that a little after the fall, we should start referring to the rot season. That’s when all the leaves that have fallen, start getting rotten on the ground. Along with the incessant rain nowadays, the feeling of walking or riding through the numerous leaves is one of the best things of the season. I heard that it’s raining non-stop in Nigeria as well. How do we explain that? I used to think that non-stop rain in a characteristic of the month of July at home. What am I missing? Well, enjoy these photos, especially the ones I took at night yesterday on my ride back from a long day of class and of teaching.

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Night was published on October 29th, 2009, with the tags , , , , , , , , under the Art, Fun, Observations category. There are currently 2 comments on this article so far.

Q & A, Again

IMG_0979The traveller attempts to answer some ten more questions that have either been asked him, or have not been asked yet only because the people who had them in their minds were not too confident about sending him the email!

10.

Q: Why did you remove your picture from the “About” page?

A: I had a mood swing! Yes, I have those too, and it is not controlled by the tide of the moon. Sometimes I get tired of seeing my own face online, and a sudden capriciousness overwhelms me to get rid of it. No questions asked. If you would send me your picture, I might send you one of mine too.

9.

Q: Why do you make blog posts almost every day?

A: I don’t know. I really can’t control it. It has become a sort of habit that I can’t easily break. But some times I’m so tired that I can’t write anything at all. At those times, I just go to sleep, but not before a muted apology to the blogging muses of the day wherever they are for not being able to put their energies to better use.

8:

Q: What are you going to do after your Fulbright programme ends in May 2010?

A: I really have no clear idea yet, but my tentative plans include a future academic pusuit either in the United States, or in Europe – whichever takes me first, and (if I don’t get a scholarship) whichever is more affordable. Yes, I am not the son of any Nigerian politician.

7:

Q: What do you miss the most about Nigeria, aside from the food?

A: Aaaaaargh! You have spoilt all the fun by removing food as a choice answer.

6:

Q: Do you really look forward to going back to Nigeria?

A: Because I still have a long time to stay here, I can’t answer this question, yet. Ask me again in a few months. But in private this time, if you want some honesty.

5:

Q: If you’re so bloody smart, why do you blog instead of becoming a newspaper columnist, or at least a more serious author and not just a serial narcissistic exhibitionist of wicked (read beautiful, inspiring, nice, or any other sufficient word) lines?

A: It’s the internet age, and I’m dealing with the dynamics of the medium I’m most adapted to. I do intend to publish a definitive collection of poems, a collection of short stories or even a novel some day (if I get a publishing deal), but my interest is mostly in literary and non-literary translation. This blog is just a way of keeping my brain in shape. By the way, all the stuff in here are copyrighted. You can’t use them elsewhere without my permission, or you might be in hot soup.

4.

Q: What do you think of the recent (in)famous wordfest in the Nigerian print media about the standard of objective review of music albums coming from young people?

A: Erm… I have no more comments on that. When I do, I know where to place them, and they’d get published, hopefully. It’s always a pain to not have a way to occasionally voice one’s opinion to a current issue. Nigeria is the country with the freest news media on the continent, after all. I’m glad for the chance to be able to contribute to current issues from this distance whenever the opportunity presents itself. Within Nigeria, there are other things that make that a very grueling process. On the top of this is electricity (or the lack thereof in regular and stable doses).

3.

Q: What do you have with number 46?

A: I have no idea what you mean. Oh, that! (Giggles). I really don’t know too, but since after the second month when I ended up with forty-six posts, I have decided to try and meet up with that number every subsequent months – just for the fun of it. Let’s see how that plays out.

2.

Q: Mention three of your favourite posts on this blog, and why?

A: I like this the most, because it was short, and it was my first culture shock experience. Then this because, even to me, it was funny. And then I love My First Class, since I had as much fun writing it as I had experiencing it in class. If you ask me tomorrow, I might have a different list. And besides, I think my favourite post is just on the way, not yet published. Ah, I can’t resist pointing to this one too.

1.

Q: Have you met Governor Rod Blagojevich yet?

A: He’s no longer the Governor of Illinois, remember? (Don’t you read the dailies?) I however almost met Governor Partrick Quinn when he came to campus sometimes last week(?) for a University event. I didn’t meet him because first, there was no need to, and secondly, because by the time he was having a town hall meeting addressing students, I was busy dosing off at home after a very stressful day of work at school.

Q & A, Again was published on October 27th, 2009, with the tags , , , , , under the Fun, Soliloquy category. There are currently 1 comment on this article so far.

Blog, Writing and Real Life

IMG_0669I did not grow up with computers around me. I am definitely not a first generation internet user. Much of the first creative things I wrote in my life were in long hand on rough sheets of paper, and later on an abandoned typewriter in my father’s lounge. Today there are kids growing up who probably never spent a day without getting on the computer. Whether they are smarter or more efficient than us is beyond me, but I do know that there is some kind of thrill in my current adaptation to a 24hour electronic cycle. The book is dead, I’ve heard, incredulously, and yesterday when I tried to read the current edition of Time magazine in print, I found a certain kind of lazy resistance, and some unexplainable wonder that they still make paper editions of those in this age of the internet. It must be why I spend so much time trying to to finish reading a book of just 300 pages. There’s definitely a sort of taking over by the internet, and I’m surprised to be on the train, considering that my first email address was just ten years ago.

Right now, I’m going through a phase, a certain self-examination for the purpose of blogging, wondering whether it ever replaces the need for books and publishing. What’s the line between real life and a blog that is known and tied to the writer? In ideal situations, I should send my poems first to journals and literary magazines rather than publish them by myself on the blog, right? However I’ve observed a certain sense of impatience in myself that may have conditioned a different way of behaviour that has me publishing them here first of all before I show them to publishers, asking whether they want them in their journals. Most of them say NO, of course, citing the fact that I’d already published them online in some form. I blame my e-conditioned impulsiveness to have absolute control on the when and the how. There is no other way to explain the fact that I never get the urge to write anything most times until I’ve signed into WordPress, clicked on “New Post”, and having a blank post page staring at me. A few years ago, it was a blank page in Microsoft Word that elicits that kind of mental stimulation. It was the same kind of electronically conditioned inspiration that I used to get while staring at the rusty typewriter on my father’s lounge. The question then is, what will I do with the bubbly impatience that never let go of me as soon as I complete a piece of work that makes me happy but which I can’t show to anyone? It is a morbid fear of losing it, I guess, or having something happen to me before the work makes it to the public that mostly takes my hand to the “publish” button, and I’m satisfied. I found a similar kind of paranoia in a writer William Boyd who I heard admit in a recent Youtube video tour of his writing space to having always kept his manuscripts in the refrigerator because they were safer there, at least from fire in the event of an outbreak.

For my paranoia, I can only hope to write so much more, and (ah-ha!) seek an American publisher. Maybe the blog might help in that ambitious quest. Gone were the days when the pleasure was in jotting on scrap notebooks and book margins. These days, the inspiration comes from  an e-blank page and the rasping of my Dell laptop keys. I can’t complain.

PS: My first electronically published short story will be published in an anthology of short stories from Africa entitled “African Roar” and published by Lion Press UK in January 2010. Considering that it will now be in a book form for the first time, I won’t be putting up a link to the full work online here, as much as I wish to do so right now.  Ask me for the rationale, and I’ll say it’s the dynamics of the new media. (Or what do you think, Ivor?)

Blog, Writing and Real Life was published on October 27th, 2009, with the tags , , , , , , , under the Art, Opinion, Soliloquy category. There are currently 12 comments on this article so far.