Here’s an old joke I first heard 2001. The characters in it are no longer as relevant as before, but with President Hu of China presently in the United States on a state visit, you might still get some laugh out of it. It’s something about language, accents and idiosyncrasies.
teaching. lanugage. travel
A man walked into the produce (foodstuff) section of a supermarket in Port Harcourt, Nigeria, and asked to buy a half head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about his request.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, “One idiot wan buy half head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “but this Oga here don kindly agree to buy the other half.” The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier today, we like people who think on their feet here”. “Where are you from, son?”
“Warri, sir.” the boy replied.
“Well, why did you leave Warri?” the manager asked.
The boy said, “Oga, nothing dey there apart from ashawo* and footballers”.
“Really?” said the manager. “My wife is from Warri.”
“Really?” replied the boy. “Which club she been dey play for?
*ashawo = Prostitutes
It’s the second resurection of Christ. Before the world ends he wants to take in some fishing. So he gets his friend Moses and they head up to the Cougar Lake to fish. They are about to rent a canoe when Moses says:
“Jesus, can’t you still walk on water? Why not just walk out there?” So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps onto the lake….and falls knee deep in water.
Moses says, “Well….maybe you need a head start or something, why not go to the end of the dock and try.”
So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps off the end of the dock and falls up to his waist.
Moses says, ” Well why not rent the boat, go out to the center of the lake and try there.”
So they rent the boat and go to the middle of the lake, Jesus is about to step off and try again when…
Moses says, “Wait. Just to be safe, why not get yourself into the state of mind you were in the first time you did it.”
So Jesus sets down, meditates for a few minutes, and finally he’s all psyched up, and steps out of the canoe…. ..and precedes to drown. So Moses does the water parting thing, and pulls Jesus up into the boat.
Jesus is just beating himself up over this. He just doesn’t see what’s going wrong here. Moses just stares down at the bottom of the boat.
Suddenly, Moses says, “I got it! I know what’s wrong! Did you have those holes in your feet last time?!?!”
This is a rather late update since the month began, I realize. Please forgive. I’ve been shuttling between towns and responsibilities. But June is already here, what are we going to do about it? We can sit and watch it go by as it will inevitably do, or we can sieze each day and make it count? I’ll personally go for the former. Gotcha, I bet you didn’t see that one coming! :D
I cut my hair today, and I’m looking fresh. And young. Gone are the grown bushes of Edwardsville on and around my head. I’m now a good looking man with tufts of beard in the right places. When the wind blows, I feel the waft of peace drive by around my head. Ha, lest I forget, I cut my hair for the equivalent of $2. Back in my “barber’s shop” in Edwardsville, we’re talking $15, and that’s without a complimentary lunch. Take that, barber’s shop!
Did you hear of the joke of a man who walks into a barber’s salon and looks through the list on the wall? The list read: Haircut= 200 naira, Shaving= 100 naira, Waves= 500 naira etc. So when the barber looks at him finally and asks: how do you want your haircut? The poor man looks again at the list, then at his pocket. Then holding out only a hundred naira note, he responds: “Barber, I’d like you to shave my head!”
What I intend to this month is to travel. Yes, you heard right. So get prepared. The traveller is coming to a town, city, village or hamlet near you with a knapsack bag an ipod and a little camera. It’s time for some adventure. Have a wonderful month.