Cut to six months later, I am surprised to have survived it. My little nephews and nieces who are used to Nigeria’s now ubiquitous mobile phone services might be shocked now to see that phones exist in this kind of form. The only reason I can think of why I backed down from my promise to buy myself one of either the Samsung Omnia, the Nokia Maemo, the Apple iPhone, the Palm Pre, the Google HTC or the Blackberry among so many others new inventions competing for attention then was the contract system that made it a prerequisite that one had a payment plan with a major telecommunications network before getting a good smart phone. No can do, I said to Apple, which was my very first choice, and effectively walked away from the rest of them. There was no way I could sign up for a two year plan when my programme was going to end in eleven months. For phone calls home therefore, I depended on Skype, and Rebtel. For text messages, there was Skype, and my good old smart Nokia that followed me from across the ocean. For calls within campus, there remained my good old ancient line now hooked to the wall. It works just fine except I manage to step out of the room when the incoming call rings.

Needless to say, the non-possession of an American-network-powered mobile phone has never failed to generate very long conversations within friends and acquaintances whenever I bring it up. “Why don’t you just buy one of those little mobiles that you can recharge and use at will without a contact? Walmart has them,” I’ve been told. “I just can’t care less,” I respond, “In Nigeria, you can just walk up to any shop and buy a sim card without a contract, then buy the kind of smart mobile phone you want and still get all the services you require; a service you can walk away from at any time without loss. In America, it’s well almost an impossibility without a certain discomfort. Even the new iPad comes with the prerequisite of an AT&T contract. I mean what kind of exclusivity is that? Thankfully, I have been able to do without them all. Not like my friend Vera however. Read what she has to say about a phone contract with T-mobile. It is not just the figures, but the whole thing about a contract that just ticks me off.

It is just the sorry sight of this land line on my bed that reminds me of why Nigerians quickly got rid of the military government, and welcomed a civilian one. Today, even for “third world” Nigeria, I would never buy a phone like this. Not when I can buy the new contract-free Google Nexus combine it with an MTN simcard that costs less than a dollar. This sight reminds me of why I am a true ghoul in the forest!

PS: Amount so far raised via KTravulaid for Jos, for Haiti = $230, out of which $100 has already been sent to Jos. Thanks to Dee, Clarissa and Tee.

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+++++

Kola: Ben, what’s your favourite Apple product?

Ben: I gotta say, the iPod.

Kola: The iPad?

Ben: No, not the iPad. The iPoood. [Pronounced as "iPaaad"]

Kola: What? You like that new product?

Ben: No, you’re not listening. I mean the iPod, the iPod; the small one that fits into your breast pocket. That one you’re holding.

Kola: Oh, the iPawd, you mean.

Ben: What is that? iPawd?

Kola: Well, the way you’re pronouncing it, I couldn’t tell the difference between when you say iPod and when you say iPad. Can you say “iPod,” this time in English?

Ben: Good God, you’re terrible.

Kola: Don’t you mean “Good Gawd?”

******************

Scene II

++++++

Kola: Hello, am I speaking with the Apple representative? I made an online order of the new iPad.

Operator: Oh nice. I’m here to help you. Was it the iPod classic or the iPod touch?

Kola: Does it come in those options?

Operator: Yes. The Classic comes in 160GB, 120GB and 80GB types…

Kola: I think you’re getting me wrong. I mean the iPad.

Operator: I got you right. You want the iPod, right?

Kola: Yes, and I’m told it has come to knock the Kindle off its lazy ass.

Operator: [Silence.]

Kola: Hellooo.

Operator: Yes. There must have been a mistake. Did you say you want the iPad or the iPod?

Kola: From what you just said, I really can’t tell them apart. Maybe you should please let me speak with someone who speaks English.

Operator: Good Gaad!

Kola: [Click]

******************

PS: None of this conversations has taken place, as far as I know. But I won’t bet against the possibility that they are taking place right now in parts of the United States, especially between Nigerians and Americans.

Donate to Jos/Haiti via the project page here.

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I honestly, honestly have nothing to blog about today. Ask me, I can’t wait for January to be over with. It’s the longest month of the year, especially because it follows an already long festive one of December. February however is the shortest month, which is nice, except you are a compulsive blogger who has to write up to fourty-six interesting articles in a month.

What I intend to do in this short post then is to tell you the response to my so called “Charity Work”. It is interesting to see the responses so far, which is to me quite encouraging. We already have $100 pledged to Jos, Nigeria; I think. And today, Thursday, I will be making out the said photograph to send to the said donor who lives in Dolton, Illinois but wants to remain anonymous as soon as I receive the proof of said donation. There are two other pledges from contributors to this blog, and I thank them, Yemi and Tayo. Needless to say, it’s not sufficient. It is not the best we can do.

In a similar vein, I wrote a letter to the Fulbright Organization yesterday informing them of the project, and to the coordinator of the Haiti relief effort at my University. I haven’t received a response from either of them. What I hope to do in the next week is to hold an exhibition, if possible, of some of these photographs on campus. What I’m afraid of is that students may not have that much money to spare, adults who can spare may have already donated to Haiti. So for all its worth, if that ever happens, it will be more of my opportunity to showcase my work rather than to raise money. In any case, I’d be glad to explore the opportunity. Day by day, the pictures look better and better to me. I didn’t know that I’d taken so many shots in this little period of time.

If you’re interested in buying the works in this effort to raise money for Jos, Nigeria; and the country of Haiti, please head here for more information. I will try to keep the offer open until the end of my Fulbright Programme in May, if I can. From then on, you will have to pay heavily to buy them, by which time they would have become a collector’s item, even if I say so myself

SOMETHING ELSE: I heard that Apple has finally come out with it’s new tablet, and they have chosen no other name to call it than the iPad. The obviously flawed marketing strategy has now spurned so many spoofs and parodies on twitter since yesterday. The product was actually called the iTampon by pranksters in the extreme of it. What worried me the most why Mr Jobs hadn’t considered the fact that the iPad uses the very same sound patterns as the iPod, at least in Americans English. How will listeners be able to tell them apart? This may as well be a failure of language sensitivity as it is a failure of marketing. My two cents.

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And so my second choice was an iPod – something at least to listen to good music during long rides. I can’t always depend on my laptop computer while mobile and fully packed. But as I went into the University Bookshop yesterday with an intention to pick up an iPod nano which costs far less than its expensive siblings, I was called aside by the student staff of the Apple stand to be advised to wait for a little while more – maybe until December – before buying, and I might get a Nano with a camera for the same current price. Those familiar with Apple will recognize this as the most defining characteristics of that electronics giant: they offer a product first without its most needed, most complimentary accessory, and then after six months or a year, they suddenly wake up to offer it, sometimes for an extra cost, as a new product. It took them over four upgrades before the iPhone finally got a video camera, cut/paste feature and a zoom. Yet they’re supposed to be the geniuses of the market. It is probably going to take them ages to think of Bluetooth function for the iPods so that music sharing could be more easily done. Now the camera part of the coming iPod definitely makes me giddy, but December is too far away. The 2megapixels on my Nokia N70 never did measure up to the 10megapixels of my canon camera which was flagged off, and I don’t presume that the iPod camera will be any much better. Nevertheless, it’s a good addition if it won’t cost so much extra.

So yes, I am not going to buy an iPhone anytime soon. Or maybe I will. Who knows. For now, my mind is on the iPod, whether it be the Classic (120GB) or the Nano (16GB), camera or no camera and I am already prepared for the periodic fasting period that must necessarily attend any such spending. I’ve long given up on the possibility on making a good purchasing decision based on advertising jingles rather than product specification and user experience. There is always something better out there, and notwithstanding the choice I make, I will always have the moments when I look back and wonder, “What was I thinking!”  It’s always tempting, to say the least, to want to have a product that meets your needs, and makes you feel good. It’s no wonder they call it the “Apple.” For me, the good news is that we are in Ramadan, and Reham my Egyptian colleague is a moslem. This fasting should be so much easier to bear.

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