ktravula - a travelogue! » America

Three Worrying Things

Kola — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 13:46:32 +0000

1. According to some reports, about 700 people were arrested yesterday for their role in the Occupy Wall Street protests. Many have also been pepper-sprayed by the NY police or attacked just for participating in the protests that has now spread to many states and has received endorsement from many activists.

2. An American-born terrorist (so-called because of his not yet disclosed links to the Fort Hood shootings and the Underwear Bomber of 1999) has been assassinated in Yemen through a direct order from the current Administration. Repeat: He is an American, the first in recent memory that has been denied the due process of law before any allegations against him has been proven. Most of what has been proven about this man is that he engaged in hate rhetoric.

3. Salman Rushdie, a writer known for his brilliant prose as well as for the number of years he spent underground being protected from a draconian death sentence placed on him by an Islamic (police) state has just gone on television to defend the extrajudicial killing of the man referenced in #2. On Bill Maher’s show last Friday, he opined that when someone has been accused of treason, they lose a certain percentage of their rights (and can therefore be killed without being brought to trial).

Worrying times!

Glad for the Holidays

Kola — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 18:09:32 +0000

America is such a fast society; busy people talking on mobile phones, travellers in big cities with heavy backpacks and briefcases, racing cars on motorways and a 24 hour news cycle. One almost can’t keep up. I remember the feeling on the first day of my return to this town, wondering just how different it all seemed again. It took me a few days to get back in the grind. Things never seem to wait. It all goes by so fast, and one is left wondering where all the day went. More than thirteen weeks later, it feels good to take a breather. What a ride that was.

The awesome gift my Amigo Secreto gave to me last week. It's an awesome reminder of what I must do instead of being stressed out with work.

Last week at our final office lunch, I was talking with a colleague – an elderly professor originally from Italy. How does he like it here? I ask. Oh no, I don’t much, he replied. If he hadn’t left his country after the World War when it was both fashionable and imperative to do so, he would still be living there, he said. “It’s the people, the culture, the food, the company. Most importantly, the relaxing ability of people to enjoy life.”

There is something about America that is both endearing and sometimes frustrating at the same time, I think. It is the system that makes working the centre of existence, and leisure something you never do unless you’re dead. On the one hand, it is endearing to see how much you can achieve if you work hard for it, on the other hand it is frustrating to see how hard it is to enjoy the fruits of your labour if you only spend all your time working. The delight is in the balance. I wonder if the country has a retirement age.

In any case, I’m glad for a break from school work that sometimes threatened my sanity. Without the occasional comfort of delightful classmates and a couple of courses that one really loves, it could have been harder. Now all I do is stay up in bed for as long as I want, and wake up whenever I want. Watch a movie, listen to music, and get back to just being lazy. Yesterday, I saw the eclipse of the moon. Christmas is in a couple of days and I don’t even know it. Back home, it would already have been a bustle of fun activities including Christmas fireworks and the dry smell of burning grass that characterizes the harmattan season. Oh well, one can’t have it all.

On the bright side, all the snow from the United States has now been shipped to Canada and Britain. There are a few more warm days ahead.

Summer is Over. Is It?

Kola — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 18:09:29 +0000

I’ve never seen summer. I’ve seen spring, along with beautiful green leaves all around an equally beautiful campus. I have seen winter, and snow whitening the land as if to prove a certain point to all foreign-born residents. I’ve seen fall, with leaves brown and restless, flowing with the cooling wind. But summer? No. What on earth is it?

Is it like hell, with an absolutely unbearable temperature which keeps people mostly indoors and all public parks free of visitors? Or is it like the oven? Is it like Kano, the reputed July heat that causes meningitis or just like a milder version of the microwave. Do the leaves shrivel? Do they sway? Are they beautiful or are they grey?

I’m not here to write poetry, so tell me what it looks like. Did I miss anything in my absence from the scene of action? Well I left that place in the middle of May just when the almighty summer was supposed to have begun. If I return there now, what will I find? Fall, no doubt. Summer would have escaped from my grasp once again. What did I miss?

The highest temperature here was around 29 degrees Celcius. That would be like 84 in America. There was this rumour that temperature in America was up to 90 in some places. Oh my, that would be like the temperature in Maiduguri on a regular afternoon. That means that my American friends could actually come and spend their summer in Nigeria. Go figure. Much of this country is actually cooler than 29 during this period. And it rains too. Oh, the rains! I should be glad I’m here.

Alright, I will return to that place, but not until the famed summer is over. Is it, yet? I like Fall. I like brown leaves that remind me of the leaf covers of eko and moin-moin made by old women in Ibadan villages. I like the way they look in photographs too. Who wants a hot summer when they can spend cool raining seasons in Ibadan, Lagos, and all over Nigeria eating spicy food, playing uncle, buying fuel in jerry cans, making day and night calls, killing mosquitos and generally playing he traveller?

And by the way, when I return to the States, let no one ask me how I spent my summer. I did not. You did.

Blasts From The Past

Kola — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 04:49:27 +0000

Here are seven more favourite posts from the past. Enjoy

Connecting with a Certain Past (2) (September 8, 2009)

Is Oyinbo a Derogatory Word? (August 27, 2009)

And there Was (No) Light! (August 17, 2009)

A Short Foodlist of Ps (August 28, 2009)

10 Reasons Why Cougar Village is a Village (August 31, 2009)

10 Reasons Why Cougar Village is NOT a Village (August 31, 2009)

Culture Shock (February 10, 2010)

Politically Correct?

Kola — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 07:47:39 +0000

And so today after a lot of soul searching and repentance of past sins of unpatriotism, I am back with a new list of bumper stickers. This time, they will be nice and politically correct, for those who like to see the good and the positive. Now you have no more excuses for not making them up as banners or stickers and putting them on your cars, mugs, shirts, doors and fridges.

The current news, as dumb as it is is that Nigerians, along with other nationals “of interest” will now be subject to more more enhanced searches at airports. It’s dumb not only because it attacks the symptoms of a disease and not the diseases itself while casting the “doctor” in a very bad light in the sight of his patients and colleagues, but because it also seeks to create more enemies – or at least, less friends, inadvertently. The fact of the matter is that “enhanced” airport searches have never solved any problems. Never ever. It only humiliates the guests, and breeds mutual suspicion. Before this December incident, every passenger on American planes have had to remove their shoes, belts and jackets before boarding. The terrorist got wise up and took to using the underwear. If we’re asked to remove our underwears at airports now, the person determined to cause havok will simply think of new means to do so. What’s more, Nigeria has never been a state sponsor of terrorism, so what’s the point? If I were an Al-Qaeda strategist, I would be thinking like this today: this would be a very good time to shift attention off of Nigeria, Yemen and Pakistan to other poor countries of the world where we can recruit impressionable kids like Umar Muttalab for our next attack. Thankfully the new TSA requirements in the US does not include full body searches for those other countries at the moment. With any chance, we’ll get this one through, and take a few thousand lives. Duh! Why am I the only one thinking out of the box? Is it just because I’m from Nigeria, or because it’s true?

Now here are the bumper stickers you should see:

I am a Nigerian. I have words for “kill”, “maim” and “slaughter” in my local languages, but none for “terrorism” and “terrorist”, and none for “snow”. What does that tell you?
I’m a Nigerian, one of the happiest people in the world. Going to heaven now is the least of my aspirations.
I’m a Nigerian. I do not need to make a point with my life when Jesus has already done so.
I am a Nigerian. America needs not be afraid of me. I’m still trying to get her visa. (Thanks Yemi)
I’m a Nigerian and not a terrorist. I have other things to worry about.
I’m a Nigerian. If I can’t lay down my life for my country, why would I give it up for your militant God?

… among many others that, again, we can make up as we go along.

But the bumper stickers probably won’t make sense right now that in another dumb development, the country’s elected representatives have resolved to sever ties with the United States unless it takes the country’s name off the list of the United States’ top security watch list. What? They even gave an ultimatum. Talk of misplaced priorities. Talk of silliness in top government circles. Talk of pouring scarce fuel on an already open but unwanted fire. Whatever happened to silent, common-sense, underground diplomacy? Now, more than the Mutallab incident on Christmas day, this is one news item that makes me ashamed, not of my country, but of its leaders/rulers. And this comes just when I thought I could be optimistic for once. Shame!

Politically Incorrect

Kola — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 21:19:42 +0000

I was not too surprised when I checked out the Facebook group created to denounce the Nigerian Terrorist today and found that from a meagre 700 members on Friday when I first blogged about it, there are now over 56,o00 members on the group. This is very nice, right?. Very impressive. It shows that we care about the implication of this unscrupulous scandal, or at least about our public image. It is not surprising. We are a patriotic people when something has to do with our image, most of the time. Right? Today on the BBC Focus on Africa, Mr Henry Omoregie, the creator of the group was interviewed for his perspective on the matter. In a matter of days, he has become the voice of “concerned Nigerians” eager to distance themselves from one unthinking act of an idiot. While speaking with my American friend, Chris, a few days after the incident, he told me how impressed he was by the Nigerian reaction. Few days after 9/11, he told me, there were televised celebrations of the event in some parts of Pakistan. Young men went to the streets jubilating that America was being attacked, he says. But in Nigeria, people are rising up to condemn the fool. It shows responsibility, or at least a form of liberality and freedom that is rare in other countries with a multi-religious population, he concludes, and I agree. That was until I heard in a line of comment on the same Facebook group that another Facebook group has been created titled “Free Umar Abdulmutallab. He is not a terrorist!”. I have not been able to find the group page so I am keeping my fingers crossed. But I won’t be surprised if such group now already exists. It’s still a matter of freedom of speech, I guess.

So now that Umar Abdulmutallab has got his fair share of vile from all “concerned Nigerians”, let us return to face the hard truths of the matter. We are not a nation of terrorists, but we have our own mammoth of problems which include poverty, drug trafficking, bad governments, militia unrest and financial crime, which are neither better than terrorism nor good for our global image as well. There are lots of things to do with my time now that the University’s resumption date is still over a week away, and the cold weather has confined the traveller to his now king-sized bed in a cozy Cougar Village apartment so I am discovering humour and satire, both as instruments of social transformation as well as personal coping device against inevitable idleness. Over the past couple of days, I have come up with a theme which would no doubt make some folks wince over there around the Niger river. But they are not just jokes. They are nuggets that should force a re-examination of the current state of the Nigerian polity. Feel free to copy them if you dare, design them with Corel Draw and appropriate caricatures, paste them on your car or shirts, and share them with your Nigerian friends on Facebook. Include, if it makes you feel better, the texts: “KTravula.com’s Politically Incorrect” or “KTravula.com’s Terror Humour“. This is for Nigeria.

After all, self-examination is really the best first cure for most anomalies.

Bumper Stickers You Will Never See

“I’m Nigerian, not a terrorist. I don’t kill people that’re not from another part of my country.”
“I‘m a Nigerian. I kidnap foreigners, but I don’t blow them up. That’s not my style!”
“I’m a Nigerian. I’m a 419 Internet Scam artist, not a terrorist. Don’t spoil my image!”
“I’m a Nigerian. I destroy oil pipelines, not airplanes.”
“I’m a Nigerian. Whenever we blow ourselves, we are actually coming, not going.”
“I’m a Nigerian. I smuggle cocaine, heroine and weed in my pants. Not explosives!”
“I’m a Nigerian. I would kill and die for political positions, not for martyrdom.”
“I’m a Nigerian. I murder for tribe, and not for cause. I can never make a good terrorist!”
“I’m a Nigerian. The only virgins I want are the ones I can marry, or make into mistresses.”
“I’m a Nigerian. I get my virgins before they head out to Italy. They’re not in Yemen, or Heaven.”
“I’m a Nigerian. The only cause I support is the one that fills my tummy, not blow off my junk!”
“I can never blow myself (up) to save my life. I’m a Nigerian, and not a terrorist!”

There could be many more ways to make them more sarcastic, and if possible, more biting. The more acerbic, the better. Talk about subversive self-humour! I would recommend this beyond the usual cry for the head of Abdulmutallab which by now should be nearing its climax. When all is said and done, it is who we are that would matter as we return to our routine lives in the course of the coming weeks and months. What will stand the test of time? Do we move forward in some way or do we return to the inner inequalities and lesser evils that make this particular case just a case of the first among equals of evil?

NOTE: This post is meant to be throughly politically incorrect, so I would not be expecting nor accepting any pats on the back this time.

America Tonight

Kola — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 00:11:46 +0000

It’s just the rustling leaves on the ground – the gentle breeze

that blows. It’s the glow of lights around the evening trees.

It’s the smiles in her joyful eyes, the love that I see around.

It’s the warm nudge, a subtle touch of flesh, or a gentle sound.

I felt it tonight, within hopes on the faces I see wherever I look.

Graceful laughs under branches, and falling rain around the brook.

I smell it in the cold night air, brown like the leaves of autumn’s rust

I touch it in hugs of fleece, wondrous wool, fabric mufflers of trust.

It’s in the sound of music, softened in bits of sweet tingling taste.

It’s in the rustling of leaves on the ground – a season of deathly waste.

It’s America tonight, Midwest, in the folds of a gradually freezing host:

I stand with words as shield, the less squelching shawls I know the most.

How To Be A Stranger

Kola — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 13:24:56 +0000

I got a text yesterday from a professor at my University in Ibadan, wondering whether my experience in America has met up with what I expected. I wrote back that the experiences were mixed, but within me, I am convinced that besides the abundance of fast food, traffic lights and sometimes searing cold, I have not seen any major difference in America as a place to live and Nigeria. Okay, maybe that’s likely to be perceived wrongly. I have met with many more interesting people, not any different from the interesting ones I’ve known before. I’ve also met with some strange people, not stranger than the ones I’ve met in Nigeria. However, there is a sense in which everything seems mostly normal, even though different. America is interesting, and so is Nigeria. I can grant that because of its place in the world, I seem to have a front-row to life’s interesting drama when I’m in the US than when I’m in Nigeria, but so far, I have not had any cause to stand in a public square staring in awe at any spectacular sight only because I’ve never seen it before, even though that seem strange enough to the people I tell.

Whenever I tell my American friends that I’ve been here for only two months, they immediately ask for my opinion on everything I’ve seen and experienced. And, instead of going with a previously standard response of “Oh it’s nothing. Except for the cold, it’s not much different here from where I’m from,” I now have to go into a long discussion on my very many notable observations, wonder, amazement, dread, lonesomeness and all, just to avoid a long stare or an awkward moment of uncomfortable silence that have now begun to attend any seemingly self-confident response. “It’s okay to feel lonely at times, and miss home, you know.” My classmate had said to me once, and he’s right. I should desist from this present stoic, often impersonal response to this distance, and really break down into my true status as a lost stranger in a distant land. Maybe only then can I find another part of myself necessary for the true experience of travelling. The problem is, it’s not working out for me. I wonder if there’s anything wrong with that.

Blessed are the Givers

Kola Tubosun — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 16:12:32 +0000

Since I arrived here on campus, every office I have entered had something for me.

The International Hospitality Programme stuffed my refrigerator with all I can eat, left me with a basket of fruits with my name on it, laid my bed, and left me with bedding and plenty cutleries. At the international office, we were given two bags courtesy of The Institute of International Education. According to Geet, the director, we could come back for as many more as we wanted, especially if we wanted to send them home as gifts. Fulbright gave me a t-shirt. My host at the Foreign Languages Department here opened the door of their store to us, and asked us to feel free to help ourselves with their branded bags and pens whenever we needed them. The number of branded pens and pencils that I have received in the past three days are now officially uncountable. I will need to send some back home. Or give them as gifts to people – perhaps to my dedicated blog readers.

Yesterday at the bank, just for opening a bank account, I got a dozen pens and one branded T-shirt. Well, if you were an American businessman, this would make sense to you. The bank’s name is written boldly on it, so it turns out to be another form of marketing. This is a sharp contrast to what I have experienced back home. In Nigeria today, it will be hard to get a branded T-shirt which is not sold for more than $2. Not even the one bearing the name of your own bank. Go figure that out, Nigeria.

ktravula - a travelogue! » America

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