Scene I


Kola: Ben, what’s your favourite Apple product?

Ben: I gotta say, the iPod.

Kola: The iPad?

Ben: No, not the iPad. The iPoood. [Pronounced as “iPaaad”]

Kola: What? You like that new product?

Ben: No, you’re not listening. I mean the iPod, the iPod; the small one that fits into your breast pocket. That one you’re holding.

Kola: Oh, the iPawd, you mean.

Ben: What is that? iPawd?

Kola: Well, the way you’re pronouncing it, I couldn’t tell the difference between when you say iPod and when you say iPad. Can you say “iPod,” this time in English?

Ben: Good God, you’re terrible.

Kola: Don’t you mean “Good Gawd?”


Scene II


Kola: Hello, am I speaking with the Apple representative? I made an online order of the new iPad.

Operator: Oh nice. I’m here to help you. Was it the iPod classic or the iPod touch?

Kola: Does it come in those options?

Operator: Yes. The Classic comes in 160GB, 120GB and 80GB types…

Kola: I think you’re getting me wrong. I mean the iPad.

Operator: I got you right. You want the iPod, right?

Kola: Yes, and I’m told it has come to knock the Kindle off its lazy ass.

Operator: [Silence.]

Kola: Hellooo.

Operator: Yes. There must have been a mistake. Did you say you want the iPad or the iPod?

Kola: From what you just said, I really can’t tell them apart. Maybe you should please let me speak with someone who speaks English.

Operator: Good Gaad!

Kola: [Click]


PS: None of these conversations has taken place, as far as I know. But I won’t bet against the possibility that they are taking place right now in parts of the United States, especially between Nigerians and Americans.


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