Browsing ktravula – a travelogue! blog archives for the day Wednesday, January 6th, 2010.

My Saudi

Saudi Arabia from my Google Analytics (Click on picture to enlarge)

Since the president of Nigeria left for Saudi Arabia over six weeks ago to treat his ailing self, I’ve developed a new interest in that country called Saudi Arabia. Well, not really. My interest in the country actually predates my country’s recent and now (in)famous healthcare dealings with them. My fascination  is very old indeed. The country holds a kind of fascination for me as an exotic tourist destination that so many people adore as a kind of spiritual homeland. Not me though. I’m just mostly intrigued by the large stone cube in the centre of the city of Mecca called the Ka’abah which was said to have been erected by Abraham in the olden times. In many Islamic tracts, on youtube and on some illustrated maps of the world, I have also read that the site of the Ka’abah is also the literal centre of the world.It is said to be equidistant to all corners of the world. This should go on to explain why that is the direction that every moslem faces when they pray. How true is that?

I don’t know if I can ever make it into the country in my lifetime, seeing that I’m not a moslem, nor an intending pilgrim, but it would have been a fascinating trip to get close to that prehistoric monument, touch it, and imagine what it would have been like in those days when faith did not always include killing a fellow human being. It would definitely have been a place to visit on a sight seeing tour. Well, thinking about it now, I wonder if there was ever really a time in history when faith was totally without blood and gore. Even father Abraham was said to have once been asked to slaughter his own son to prove his faith.

In any case, here was what my Google Analytics turned up as statistics of readers from that famous country. Only five hits between August 2009 and today. Interesting. And contrary to my earlier thoughts and wishes, the readers are not from Jeddah where the president of my country now resides (perhaps in a hospital bed), but in Riyadh. It is very sad to realize that the president has not been reading my thoughts and opinions after all, but well, I’ll survive it. However, this knowledge now begs the questions: Who were they who read my blog? What did they read? Did they enjoy it? Was it censored?  And would they be coming back soon? Of course, I will not be getting answers to those questions. Or will I?

Cartoon from www.ofilisketches.com. Used by permission.

Salaam Alaikum: Peace be unto you, folks in Saudi Arabia. Please take good care of my president if you know where he is. And if you really do know where he is, please drop me a line. If you come across him anytime soon, tell him to send me an e-mail of acknowledgement. Or at least place a phone call to the BBC, or at least a popular morning radio show in Nigeria so we know that he is still alive, agile and in charge. Tell him that, contrary to what anyone around him, countrymen are really pissed, agitated, and running out of patience right now. They believe that if he were in office during Christmas time, the United States might not have placed our country’s name on a security list of countries with suspicious citizens. I mean, when you think about it, it’s not the fault of the United States that whenever President Obama could have tried to call the Nigerian president to discuss the matter, the phone would have rung for a while, and then either gone into voicemail, or been picked by a woman who spoke English with a really muffled foreign accent. I know you understand, and that you care enough to help. That is why you have read my blog for those five long times. Thank you very much for listening, and for your support. I look forward to your response soonest.

Ma salaam.

Love from Edwardsville.

(NOTE: That drawing from Ofilisketches is used by permission. Please feel free to print as many copies as you want, and paste on the streets of Riyadh and Jeddah, just in case someone comes across him and has useful information for us. This is urgent, please. Thanks.)

Politically Correct?

And so today after a lot of soul searching and repentance of past sins of unpatriotism, I am back with a new list of bumper stickers. This time, they will be nice and politically correct, for those who like to see the good and the positive. Now you have no more excuses for not making them up as banners or stickers and putting them on your cars, mugs, shirts, doors and fridges.

The current news, as dumb as it is is that Nigerians, along with other nationals “of interest” will now be subject to more more enhanced searches at airports. It’s dumb not only because it attacks the symptoms of a disease and not the diseases itself while casting the “doctor” in a very bad light in the sight of his patients and colleagues, but because it also seeks to create more enemies – or at least, less friends, inadvertently. The fact of the matter is that “enhanced” airport searches have never solved any problems. Never ever. It only humiliates the guests, and breeds mutual suspicion. Before this December incident, every passenger on American planes have had to remove their shoes, belts and jackets before boarding. The terrorist got wise up and took to using the underwear. If we’re asked to remove our underwears at airports now, the person determined to cause havok will simply think of new means to do so. What’s more, Nigeria has never been a state sponsor of terrorism, so what’s the point? If I were an Al-Qaeda strategist, I would be thinking like this today: this would be a very good time to shift attention off of Nigeria, Yemen and Pakistan to other poor countries of the world where we can recruit impressionable kids like Umar Muttalab for our next attack. Thankfully the new TSA requirements in the US does not include full body searches for those other countries at the moment. With any chance, we’ll get this one through, and take a few thousand lives. Duh! Why am I the only one thinking out of the box? Is it just because I’m from Nigeria, or because it’s true?

Now here are the bumper stickers you should see:

  • I am a Nigerian. I have words for “kill”, “maim” and “slaughter” in my local languages, but none for “terrorism” and “terrorist”, and none for “snow”. What does that tell you?
  • I’m a Nigerian, one of the happiest people in the world. Going to heaven now is the least of my aspirations.
  • I’m a Nigerian. I do not need to make a point with my life when Jesus has already done so.
  • I am a Nigerian. America needs not be afraid of me. I’m still trying to get her visa. (Thanks Yemi)
  • I’m a Nigerian and not a terrorist. I have other things to worry about.
  • I’m a Nigerian. If I can’t lay down my life for my country, why would I give it up for your militant God?

… among many others that, again, we can make up as we go along.

But the bumper stickers probably won’t make sense right now that in another dumb development, the country’s elected representatives have resolved to sever ties with the United States unless it takes the country’s name off the list of the United States’ top security watch list. What? They even gave an ultimatum. Talk of misplaced priorities. Talk of silliness in top government circles. Talk of pouring scarce fuel on an already open but unwanted fire. Whatever happened to silent, common-sense, underground diplomacy? Now, more than the Mutallab incident on Christmas day, this is one news item that makes me ashamed, not of my country, but of its leaders/rulers. And this comes just when I thought I could be optimistic for once. Shame!